Antithetical to the 'Soul'

In the piece I recorded that I call 'Prelude to Atheism', there was a constant thread of exploring the concept of the self and the soul in contrast to your only hope of identity being what others see - a sense of identity that most of us take for granted.

• what inside you inspires your speech?
• what inside you inspires how you argue, or take stances on ethical issues? 

and then:

• how do you identify and then circumvent or alter what you would say naturally, perhaps like an actor? 
• what does the act of altering what you would say mean with relation to how you are seen?
• Are you still the same person if nobody else sees you as you have been seen before?

and finally: (The Unspoken)

• how does it effect one's view of the objective?
• Is there an objective way to judge others, or yourself?

As an author, I wanted to really highlight the desperation and loss of hope, and the terror in this new prospect - that my integrity and internal perspective were suddenly demoted by a large degree. In my authorship, I tried to bring this out in my notes to myself in characterizing myself through methods that bring out what I called being 'antithetical to the soul'.

The theme roots down to an under-appreciated dilemma upon entering a skeptical mindset from a religious one - who/what will skepticism allow me to be now in this newly soulless perspective? What am I to myself? Does it matter? What is integrity if I am say: just a naturally quiet person?

The general notion was, "what if I say things out loud that are 'antithetical to the soul' - what I deemed against my identity?" What does it matter to only be judged by others compared to being judged by a perfectly understanding Christian God? Does it not pale in comparison.

This concept can only be appreciated by those religious people who have an extensive reserve of deeply internal personal truths related to God. This idea can easily be confused with debates around whether or not to be good only for fear of God, or to tell the truth, or generally do what is right, only for the fear of God. It is the question of the personal relationship to your identity for your 'relationship' with said God in the face of a secular perspective that on the face presents your identity as an illusion.

Further Exploration of Soul and Self

Is there common secular language for any concept of your deep internal self, or is it simply left at the self being an illusion? What is the well one draws from in order to inspire consistent action from one moment to another - not simply right-and-wrong, but a well that inspires consistency?

From this topic of exploring the concept of yourself as an illusion stems deeper questions.

• Is there a societal or cultural double standard on how people are judged? 
• How are people judged by a standard of having a self?
• If the self is an illusion, then how does a person reconcile being judged by others by standards of consistent narratives?
• Ultimately, what good is it to perceive one's self as an illusion? 
• Where does the rubber meat the road in accountability to a consistent self?
• what is the layperson's method of perception? 
• What is the evolutionary psychology of self perception?