Disclaimer

My journals were a back and forth dialogue that spiraled higher and higher into greater points for both atheism and religion/Mormonism, and eventually human beings generally. It revolved around as many of the ethical/truth issues affecting my overall decision to leave the LDS Church as possible - giving exhaustive attribution to all scopes and plains of the reasoning.

The spiraling created a trajectory from what I posed as lesser points, into what I imagined where greater considerations. The overall trajectory is important to constructing a larger thesis. The lesser points were deliberately heavy handed, to use reverse psychology tactics to set up entirely altered premises along the trajectory.

Much of the first person dialogue is put forth that way in order to pull the reader in, and see what it might be like to think one way or another, like one would be pulled into a fictional character. The perspectives should not be fully attributed as mine. (Please stop acting like they are. When you react emotionally, or judge me for having that perspective, you don't understand what's happening.)

Issues spanned from human rights, into symbolism, into grammatical phenomena that effect what we believe. All of it is wrapped up eventually in a perspective that one would consider.

Symmetry in argument is used to reveal holes - and used to point out that it doesn't always exist. I related it to velociraptors being 'clever girls'. Though even these were still often pretentious, ignorant or dubious.

Part of the grammar issue is in asking a question about what makes people human. I attempted to propose grammar phenomena as a lens for all beliefs and the illusion of consciousness - and to explain my state of mind in some situations.

As such, grammar tricks are used throughout. It was never meant for 'general consumption', and I'm worried at some of the ways in which I phrase my own motives, behaviors, and perspectives - as well as others'. The majority of the time, they were framed in parallels, or just one side of a parallel duality of good and evil - deliberation and accident - ignorance and intelligence - pride and humility.

ie:

• What are the relationships between ethics and truth?
• What are the relationships between what we say - what we believe - what we do?
• What are the relationships between emotion and logic?
• How do we define and value subjectivity and individuality with reference to objectivity?
• What indirect assertions do we make about ethics when we posture certain beliefs, and how do they play out if we turn them into founding principles?
• What is right and wrong?
• How do we value simplicity or complexity? When are we driving too fast or too slow? or When do we become too logical or too emotional?

Another purpose that intertwined with everything else was in practicing different writing techniques, like making characters unlikable or deeply villainous - controlling these different aspects of writing - and then sometimes pointing it out to make points about how people think - asking questions about what makes a villain a villain.